Uncertainties

There seems to be control over everything,

the grip tightens,

but,

it then slowly loosens,

it starts to slip,

hangs in a struggle to decide…

whether to fight and hold on,

OR

slip,

and fall away forever…

They say, you can’t lose what you never had. You can’t keep what’s not yours. And you can’t hold on to something that doesn’t want to stay.

The truth?

You decide.

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Time After Time


Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,
And think of you
Caught up in circles confusion –
Is nothing new
Flashback – warm nights –
Almost left behind
Suitcases of memories,
Time after –

Sometimes you picture me –
I’m walking too far ahead
You’re calling to me, I can’t hear
What you’ve said –
Then you say – go slow –
I fall behind –
The second hand unwinds

[Chorus:]
If you’re lost you can look – and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you – I’ll be waiting
Time after time

After my picture fades and darkness has
Turned to gray
Watching through windows – you’re wondering
If I’m OK
Secrets stolen from deep inside
The drum beats out of time –

[Chorus:]
If you’re lost…
…Time after time
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time

 

Turning My World Upside Down and Inside Out

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If I could go back in time and meddle with time, we might have met earlier,

That being said, I doubt it’ll be any better,

Because along the way, we met others that would pave the way,

For us to meet on a better day.

In response to a bag of cookies,

A pink note came my way,

A lunch date with a random stranger,

Made us this way!

We have interests in common that kept us together till today,

And many more that will make us stay.

It’s funny how I never imagined it this way,

As we were both awkward in our early days?

Perhaps it’s in it that we find ourselves going insane,

Over our slightest attempts at being lame.

But somehow, that’s what keeps us sane.

I asked God the other day, why He sent you my way,

I figured it is because you brighten up my day!

Your such an inspiration that makes me want to be better,

Although at times I feel like I’m losing the battle.

You channel so much positive energy,

That its hard to even have a tinge of negativity.

You make me smile at your wise and thoughtful ways,

And your help and advice often goes a long way.

You put people first regardless of what they say,

Always endlessly making people’s day.

I’ve so much more to say, but I’ll save it for another day.

Thank you for coming into my life. I’ve learned so much from you, and want to learn so much more. It is such an honour to be an important part of your life, I will hold it to my heart and guard it dearly. I’ve found a dear friend and companion in you ❤ 

You Light Up My Life

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In the hustle and bustle of going through the motions in life, time sure flies to when you first came into my life. When I first met you, a part of me wondered if he would have had any similarities with you, but now I know that…

You are so unpredictable in so many ways, your habits are still forming, and you are slowly learning to express yourself and communicate your desires.

You light up my life instantly from the day when we first met, from the day I first held you.

You’re growing way too quickly, perhaps you could slow it down a little for me to have more time to enjoy the little perks of seeing you smile, attempt to sit or crawl on your own, or even to reach out to touch and feel the curves and outlines of my face.

You’ve brought so much indescribable joy into my life. A smile from you and all my worries, anxiousness, anger, pain and sorrow just vanish.

Thank you for sharing your little milestones with me, it is a great honour and privilage to be part of your life. I truly cherish it dearly.

Love you very much sweetheart, and here’s to celebrating your sixth month.

 

Everything Happens in Time; His Time.

It’s all about timing. I’m seriously serious about timing. Like I cannot stand people that are always late, for whatever function or appointment. It’s pretty inconsiderate in my books; making others wait. 

But somehow, when it comes to God I must say that He’s never late in His timing. It’s pretty simple actually, just cause; everything happens in His time. 

He doesn’t make a promise, then not be there. He is always there. It’s just a matter of time as to when He gives us our replies to petitions or prayer needs we’ve committed to Him. 

I must say, God never fails to amaze me  with His timing and the way He allows things to happen. Sometimes its amusing, sometimes it kills me to wait, sometimes I get tired of waiting, sometimes I want an immediate answer, sometimes I wish there won’t be an answer. But most of the time, I’ve learned with time and maturity, to wait on the Lord. 

To slow down, take a breather and wait on Him. To be more still and quiet, rather than go on and on ranting or asking. Sometimes it just takes a quiet moment. 

Learn to wait on the Lord, and allow Him to work wonders; coz really, He knows BEST! 

You’re Really Special!

There’s more to this then what you see yourself as,

Your sight has been blurred by stereotypes,

Your judgments are based on the rumours and gossips you hear;

You degrade yourself by being the shallow person you think you ought to be.

You live up to the way you are expected to,

You lose the essence, the beauty, the wholesomeness of yourself that’s truly you;

When you try to fit into what the world sells as beauty and fame.

You lose all respect, dignity and self-worth when you choose to comply and behave the way you do.

Learn to respect yourself and look at yourself as someone who’s truly you; not someone you want to be.

And hopefully someday, one day, you’ll see it brings out the best in you, and makes you the beautiful, unique, one and only you.

p.s: ❤

Plan B

Things don’t always go as planned and Plan B should always be on stand-by. Sometimes I don’t understand why things happen the way they do, but it has happened and more is bound to happen, and sometimes we just won’t understand why it happens.

For some of you that must be wondering what I’m getting at, well let me just give you some overview about what has been going on with my eyes. Well to be more specific, its my right eye. Since last year, I had problems with it. I had this infection which occurred suddenly out of the blue. (I wasn’t even wearing contact lens yet)

Somehow, the infection created a scratch on my cornea and there was a little part of the cornea that dislodged. The doctor managed to fix it. I’ll not go into details, hence any of my readers start freaking out. However, later on after it healed, or so I thought, and so did the doctor. I was given the green light to wear contact lens- and so I proceeded to do so.

Then, the problems began. Because contact lens stay on yr eyes, when I removed them, it was like a suction and it dislodged that same part of my cornea again. I was on MC for like a week plus, coz I really couldn’t see and was in so much pain. In actual fact, it was so scary.

After that, I never touched my contact lens again and resorted to stick with my glasses- thinking that the problem would not occur again. However, after a few months, the problem occurred again(even without the use of contact lens), and the epithelial layer of the cornea kept either loosening or giving me so much pain that I had to be permanently on eyedrops every few hours a day and eye gel at night before I went to sleep. And the problem kept recurring every few months.

Therefore, when the doctor offered me a permanent solution, I decided to get a procedure done to get rid of the problem permanently. I resorted to PRK surgery. Due to my hectic schedule in University and in church-related things, I chose the date which I thought would be the best and most ideal, which was yesterday, 20th August 2011. It seemed like the best date, coz I was getting two weeks off from Uni and exams were just over. I had everything planned out, when to do surgery, recuperate, get my other duties done, revamp my room, visit grandma and the list goes on.

So I got ready yesterday and headed to the clinic to get the procedure done. As I mentioned earlier, sometimes things are beyond our control and we don’t understand why God let things happen, but sometimes its just beyond our control. I waited for my turn a the doctor’s place, and it was certainly a long wait. Then after the doctor did all the final checks that he needed to do, the nurse came in and told the doctor there was some problem with the machine.

So I had to wait some more while the doctor went to check out the machine. Then, he returned and apologized and told me I couldn’t do the procedure as the machine was having problems, and he said he would call me when the machine was fixed. I told him I needed to get the procedure done asap as Uni will begin in two weeks-and its a short semester, so I cannot be missing classes. He said he’ll try his best, as he’s depending on the technician.

Honestly, I was disappointed and quite upset, as I had everything planned. However, looking on the bright side, I thank God that the doctor realized the machine was giving problems, as if he had found out only half way through the surgery, that would be so….. I think you get the picture. To my understanding, maybe God didn’t want me to get it done yet, and well I’m just trusting everything will happen in God’s time. So I’ll keep praying and waiting.

So what was plan B ?? Well, since I didn’t get the procedure done, I decided to begin my room revamp first. And I’m so happy I managed to completed my room walls !! Its all newly painted and looks brand new. Daddy dearest gave me a hand and we both completed painting the room this morning. Thanks Dad !

Here are some pictures:

First, we white-washed the walls yesterday evening. 

Then, we painted the blue paint 

The shade of blue is so nice right ? Well, of course, coz yours truly selected the colour !! haha. 

I know I need to change my curtain rods and my curtains. Can’t stand the flowers anymore. haha! This curtains are going to go to my place in Cheras, and I’ll get new ones for my crib here 🙂

My rooms nearly done. Next would be just furniture, curtain rods, curtains and beddings and I’m done with my room revamp !! Not to forget the world map and pictures to decorate my room.

Hmm… I think I need to repaint my door too. After that, my girl friends can come for sleepovers!! Sorry guys, would love to have you over too, but erm… my parents would freak out  🙂

So yea, thats what happened this weekend. Such an eventful weekend. Looking to what’s ahead. Before I end this post I just wanna say thanks to everyone who has been so supportive of my surgery, thanks for your fb posts, texts, calls and even for my bestie who came all the way to the clinic with me, and for our church members that dropped by the clinic. It really meant a lot. Sorry for the postponed surgery, but it your support and prayers meant a lot, really. Thanks !! And do continue praying.

Have a great week ahead people! Try to look on the bright-side even when things don’t turn out the way we like. Signing off !

Dancing with God

Someone very dear to me sent me this email. ( I don’t know exactly who thought of this).

 Its truly something very touching for me. Hope it means as much to you too.

 

 G U I D A N C E

 

When I meditated on the word Guidance,
I kept seeing “dance” at the end of the word.   
I remember reading that doing God’s will is a lot like dancing.  

When two people try to lead, nothing feels right.  
The movement doesn’t flow with the music,  
and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.  

When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead, 
both bodies begin to flow with the music.  
One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back  
or by pressing Lightly in one direction or another. 

It’s as if two become one body, moving beautifully.    
The dance takes surrender, willingness,  
and attentiveness from one person  
and gentle guidance and skill from the other.  

My eyes drew back to the word Guidance .  
When I saw “G”: I thought of God, followed by “u” and “i”.  
“God, “u” and “i” dance.” 
God, you, and I dance.  

As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust  
that I would get guidance about my life.  
Once again, I became willing to let God lead.  

My prayer for you today is that God’s blessings 
and mercies are upon you on this day and everyday.  

May you abide in God, as God abides in you.    
Dance together with God, trusting God to lead  
and to guide you through each season of your life.  

This prayer is powerful and there is nothing attached 
If God has done anything for you in your life,  
please share this message with someone else. 

There is no cost but a lot of rewards;    
so let’s continue to pray for one another.  
 

And I Hope You Dance!  

 

Missing you …

Dearest Gp,

 I’ve been caught up in the rush hour, the hectic lifestyle,

The orders, the errands, the assignments, the deadlines,

The media, the television, the Internet.

So many distractions have come my way.

Some have passed, some are still being worked on.

I thought this was the way to go about it,

I thought this was the way to move on,

I thought this was the way to forget the pain of missing you,

I thought this was best to help me let you go,

But , I’ve got it all wrong.

Deep down inside, behind the ‘ mask ‘ I wear,

I constantly miss you,

I look around for you sometimes, forgetting your no longer with us,

Wishing you could join us for a game or two.

Sometimes I still count and extra place at the table for you,

Placing an extra chair there, then realizing that you won’t be there.

I realized I can never forget you, nor let you go.

You’ll always be in my heart, you’ll cross my mind all the time,

You’ll still remain my inspiration, the way you have always been,

Whether in my writing, my serving God, or with family.

I can only learn to accept your no longer with us.

But I’m sure your looking down, and watching us everyday.

In fact, you’ve probably started writing your own pieces up there.

No doubt I miss you a great deal,

And tears still flow thinking about you.

The pain of missing you is still fresh,

Yet, I know your in the care of the finest and bestest hands….

I love you lots !

p.s : I’m still thinking what to plant at your place of resting… I’ll get it done soon okay. Love you.