Princess Corner

Hey people,

Sorry for the long dissappearance…Hmm wonder whether anyone still reads my blog. Anyway whether or not there are readers, I’ll still continue to blog, as its more of a personal blog, where pouring out of heart-felt opinions and point -of views will be on showcase here…Hmm don’t think that came out how I’d like it exactly.

Anyway, I have been placing on my facebook and msn pm, that its a new day, new life, newly renewed ambitions and plans!! FOR starters, I have been exercising and trying to lose weight….Planning to lose ten kg…Haha but don’t think I need to lose that much la…but looking number wise I think that way. Anyway I’m half way through arriving to losing that weight !! Haha I’ve lost some weight just about a month into regular exercise, and believe I will lose much more if I step it up and keep it on a regular basis I’m estatic!! Coz most of the time, I give up before I see resultd\s, and end up doing things the wrong way like dieting…But now I have learnt to eat right and exercise regularly…Thanks to my girlfriends that have shown me how to do it right. SO yeah..that’s a new start for me.

Also I’ve been involved with some very nice people, made new friends, been into new strong and healthy relationships with friends, and in real truth found comfort and love in some. So I’ve started my journey on to the better road, and healing all the old wounds slowly, but surely, and being more positive everyday. I believe everything starts with a step at a time, eventhough it may be small steps.

I truly thank God as well as He knows when I’ve hit rock bottom and is there for me. He lifts me up everytime without fail. Thank You Lord!! ( That’s why I love the song by Paul Baloche – Thank You Lord , very much )

Anyway, I’m taking baby steps to a new way of living life. So hope you people and dear readers will join me in it !!!! Take care ….

Can a person love and hate at the same time ?
It feels like I’m drowning, falling deeper and deeper into a dark pit that will eventually make everything and everyone around me be destroyed. I feel like such a failure.
Will no one hear my heart out, without judging me? but instead lend an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on ?
God , I can’t do this anymore, I’m so so broken, the hole in my heart is a large gaping hole, that’s been torn wider and larger each time, and it burns inside me. When will this stop ?
I have never felt this kind of sorrow,burden,hurt, anger and hatred. Its not something thats right to feel, yet I cannot stop the feeling that’s so apparent in me, and its breaking me to pieces….
i don’t understand .

As I thought everything was just pure fantasy, pure dreams , pure imagination , I get pulled into this whirlpool of emotions again… Is my dream coming true ? Or is it just another round of pulling  and tugging at my heart strings ?

I’m sitting at my desk, engrossed in the book which I feel is stuck to them, as I can’t put it down. The story is so exciting and it pulls me into the story and it seems so real. I’m so into it, that I shut off my surroundings, and am ignorant to whats going on around me. Suddenly I hear a voice which seems familiar yet not exactly yet, calling my name . I slowly lift my eyes from the lines on the page of my book, and see a handsome face smiling at me, and uttering my name. Its not just any handsome face, its him ! My heart skips a few beats and my hands become cold and almost lifeless, my head spins and I feel I’m swirling into another world. Just then, my hands give way, and I dropped my book into my lap. I startled myself, and instantly snapped back to reality.

I look at the handsome face before me. He comments that I looked rather shocked and pale. He introduces himself. ( mind you I already knew a lot about him .) Then he says that he has been watching me and notices my quiet yet visible charms. He continues to flatter me and asks me out. Meanwhile, I am still not in control of my feelings. I sit there dumbfounded and speechless. In the end , I squeeze out a tiny , Yes to his invitation .

This starts off an exciting, new fresh breeze in my life, and I’m floating  on cloud 9 and walking with and air and a twist of lightness in me. I’m thrilled. Over the next few weeks, every hour possibly spent together is not spared between us. Now its not anything intimate yet, just a period of knowing each other. Everytime we talk, I feel like the most special and unique person in this world. I feel he only has eyes for me. My heartbeats are irregular and often pump really hard when I’m around him. My body feels cool and light, as if  I have no other care in the world. My eyes glistened with a touch of moisture and my cheeks turn a little red whenever he throws compliments at me. I’m not used to them, but he showers me with it. He tells me about what he thinks of me, and  I take it in happily and enjoyably at first, but after a while……

He takes it too far. I find he only sees everything as good in me, and there is nothing bad about  me. He describes me as close to a goddess or an angel, he only has words of praise for me. He doesn’t reprimand me, argue with me, or even converse in a more challenging way. Everything is sweet talk. I should have seen it coming. What is his motif ? There is only one motif. Not to be with me forever but…..I will not mention it further. The guy I thought fulfilled my criterias and could make me complete is the total opposite. What is there to a relationship when wrong motifs are apparent, and what more, a guy who only worships you, but doesn’t actually care about you.

This is not a love story unfolding, its the end of one before it even unfolds. How I wished I didn’t fall for the trap. How I wish I didn’t even think about him. Now its so hard to get out of my head and my heart. I’m angry with myself. Don’t ever let yourself fall for the talks and sometimes even actions of guys , without properly thinking. Don’t let yr heart or emotions control you, because that is when everything slips out of control. Eventhough sometimes they may seem genuine, but they are not.

Goodbye to love, and the end to the story.

I walk along the corridor, its raining heavily , the sky is a deep grey black colour, the clouds look heavy and it seems like it’ll rain forever. What more, it makes my mood turn gloomy and blue…..I let out a loud sigh.

In a flash, everything changes and everything seems to brighten up. Its as if the sun started shining and there’s birds chirping and soft, gentle breeze blowing. Is it a change of weather in a blink of an eye ? Well no, its simply because my wandering eye has caught a gaze on someone whom I’m hoping to meet since the other day…..

I see him taking a turn round the corner, heading right my way. A quick check of my reflection in the window , and I see a plain , simple girl looking right back at me. I decide to stay where I am, knowing that I don’t have what it takes to catch his attention. However , I steal a long gaze at him from the corner of my eyes, and….

I watch him approaching, the distance between us seems to be getting inch by inch , closer and closer. My heart is pounding with nervousness, it beats so hard that I feel like its going to break out from my chest. My breathing becomes quick and rapid, it seems like the air is thinning, my whole body becomes cold, and I feel faint. He comes so close and pass me by an inch of width distance . He doesn’t even look at me. I was like a pillar, like a statue placed in his path. I was ignored. My hopes were crushed, I was crushed….

The heart that was pounding so hard, slow instantly into a dying pulse -like rate. My breathing becomes slow like that of a dying person,my whole body heats up instantly and I feel my cheeks flush with embarassment, as blood rises to my cheeks. How could I have drawn so much hope in something so vague and unpromising ? Why did I even hope for the impossible ? Tears rise to my eyes like a flood, and pour down my cheeks. Hot burning tears wash down my cheeks. I make no attempt to stop them, but instead let them flow to their hearts content.

How could I have even filled my thoughts with such hope and dreams, when I’m not even close to anything in reality ? …….

(to be cont. )

Does it have to be 20 things ?? haha well I’ll be random okay…hahahhaa well here it goes:
1. I have to take a bath every morning. If I don’t I feel terrible the whole day.
2. The least times I bathe in a day is two to three times.
3. I like shoes a lot.
4. I like fish and rabbits.
5. My favourite plush toy is Piglet from Winnie the Pooh.
6. I strongly dislike being given flowers. I however love to admire flowers growing naturally and in the wild. I think thats where flowers should be and not in bouquetsin flower shops.
7. I enjoy admiring cars and and superbikes though I may get the models mixed up sometimes.
8. I don’t know how to fix my computer when somethings wrong with it.
9. I don’t like being photographed. Though I like to look at photographs and think that photography is really a work of art, and work of the heart.
10. My hair is off limits to most people. Haha only permited people are allowed to touch it.
11. I cannot imagine using other people’s pillow case. I even bring my own one when I go to a hotel ! ( do you think I’m obsessed with cleanliness ? ) haha
12. I can survive without my phone
13. I enjoy food and like experimenting new recipes, though I’ll only try it for myself to taste …erm go figure.
14. I prefer baking to cooking
15. Clothes in my cupboard are arranged in a certain way and pattern.
16. I used to wish I would be either a doctor or a professional ballerina when I grew up …. oh the irony !!! Haha
17. I’m quite cheeky in class. Give my teachers a hard time with lots of questions and well plain cheekiness. But ironically, I’m the teacher’s pet, or the example student haha
18. I have been having nightmares, that I get into car accidents or drive till I have no more petrol left, and get stranded some place, ever since I got my licence.
19. I get nervous very easily , and most of the time I can’t sleep the night before a major exam or a big event.
20. I also get stage fright and freeze on stage/ in front of a crowd of people. My hands and legs literally shake and my whole body turns cold.

Wow!! That was hard and definitely random !! Haha so now you guys think I’m weird ? hehe

I’ve known you since I could remember, we grew up together and spent most of our younger years together.Going to Sunday School,classes, kindergarden, Kid’s Club, and so many more activities. We were close and I felt comfortable and unthreatened by you.

I still remember and cherish the times we spent together, some of which were absolutely meaningful, that will remain in my memory forever. Times where we played together, shared some personal moments, what more joyful as well as sorrowful moments.

As we began to enter our teen years, we slowly started to drift apart. How I wish I knew exactly what went wrong my friend. What happened to us ? How could such a trusting, loving, caring and honest friendship just dissappear?

For many years I couldn’t figure out what went wrong, but now, I think I know what it is. Is it too late ? I don’t know. I don’t have the courage to confront you. I’m afraid I’ll say the wrong things and we’ll never ever speak again.

We hardly meet now, let alone talk. When I see you flooding childhood memories return, and I often wish I had made some better decisions. I wish that I never gave up on us. Now we are almost close to strangers. Exchanging a word or two is the most we do.

I miss the time where we could talk freely , and I could just be who I am around you. I didn’t feel weird nor uneasy. I really miss you ….

How I just wish and wish, nothing changed between us my friend. Maybe things would have turned out better in both our lives.

Now that your chasing your dreams in a place that separate us by miles and miles away,in a faraway place, I hope n wish the best for you. Take care my friend, and I hope somehow, someday, I will be given a chance to explain myself, and rekindle our friendship and relationship that I treasured, and still do.

I have some great regrets in my life, and one of them is the lost of our friendship.

It truly still saddens my heart.

The world in actual fact is nothing close to nice. We often look at the glitz and glamour and forget the ” slum or not so nice areas “
Whether its places, things, environments or even people, in reality, there is so much pain , hurt, lies, deceit and untruthfulness.

Yet we remain ignorant to what’s happening around us. We only see what we want to, and shut off to the rest. We listen to only what we want to hear, turning a deaf ear to what we don’t. We only offer to help those who we think we want to or who in our books are ” worth ”

Lies and this state of ignorance is happening right in families, among good friends and trusted company. Why ? Why ? Why ?

Everyday lives are lost. Does it really have to come to death then only will anyone act or react ? Does it really have to reach a point where everything is lost , then only will one be appreciated ?

What’s happening ? I don’t even understand , what did I do ? What have I not tried doing , and there is no response from you ? How long more do I need to endure this ?

I don’t want to endure this anymore. Forget everything that has ever happened. I choose to take in everything and start off anew, in hopes of finding someone, something, someplace better.

* this is written in a concept of my imagination, inspired by things in reality. No one is being refered to in this .

He knows exactly what I need,
He knows when I need love,
He knows when I need comfort,
He knows when I need a friend.

He knows what I want,
He knows whats in my heart.
He knows when I need encouragement,
He knows when I need uplifting.

It still boggles my mind,
And never will I understand His Grace, Mercy and undying Love.
How more could I understand even the simplest things He does for me.

Thank you for granting me blessings. I’ve never been better blessed than this.