Being a leader is never easy. Being a leader means having the capability to lead, being able to speak your thoughts, hear your team’s thoughts, work together, feel together, pray together and lead everyone in the right direction. It also means that the responsibility of the whole group is on your shoulders. You take every bit if responsibility, and when things go haywire or turn sour, being a leader, one has to step up and face the consequences.
This is not something quoted, neither is it right, and whether or not its true I can’t vouch for it. This comes from the perspective of being a leader from the Christian perspective. However, I do know that this is what I feel and what I see from my experience. So what are the heartbreaks of a leader ?
1. When the team does not have the same purpose or objective
2. When all that is expected is the end/ final product, and everything in between (the little things that we often brush-off thinking its not important during the journey to the end product) is ignored
3. When a team member becomes too much of a team player and not a team member that initiates
4. When the team loses the main focus, which is God
5. When programs and activities become more important than God
6. When disrespect occurs in the team
7. When pulling of rank occurs
8. When a team member loses his/her commitment
9. When one of the team members are hurt, by the team or even by external factors
10. When criticisms are made without suggestions of resolvement or improvement
Honestly, I feel utterly disappointed and such a failure as a leader. I feel I’ve let my team down, in the sense that I could have spoken out more when I needed to, instead of swallowing everything. I could have defended my team member when attacks were happening, I could have made so many things better, but instead I overlooked things. I allowed the workload to be on one team member that in the end became so tired out, but was still so faithful despite everything. To top up everything and make things worsen than it already is, words of bitterness, spite, anger, discontent and in some ways hurt were exchanged during a meeting where the purpose was to evaluate and improve.
I feel so useless as a leader, to allow my ‘sheep’ to be put on the line. I felt so defenseless, I was speechless, I didn’t know how to react, I didn’t know how to handle situations. I feel so so lost. I feel so alone.
We often hear and say that we should not conform to forms of this world, but many times we fail to do so. Unconsciously we become sucked into the norms and formalities of the world, and God is put behind us, and not on top of our list. This is only something minor, and as a leader I already feel so much hurt and pain. Imagine how God feels every time we disobey Him, every time we turn from Him, every time we go astray, every time we hurt Him. As our Shepherd I can say he experiences this in vast amounts and yet He still loves us.
God, I feel so unworthy. Help me Lord, resolve issues and heal the hurts. Grant wisdom and strength and let your love and peace cover us. Amen.
