Archive for December, 2008

Getting fishy ??

{ December 21, 2008 @ 2:37 pm } · { Announcements }
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Well, well so I guess you must be wondering what am I talking about ?? Getting fishy ?? Hmm something up my sleeve ?? Planning to do something cheeky ?  Hahaha well well put a stop to all yr strange , weird and funny thoughts, I’m not doing anything naughty or cheeky , I have been a good girl for so long :) heehee not playing pranks on ppl like I used to. Anyway lets not divert topics.

Why am I so  happy today ? Well its not exactly happy as in the estatic kind of happy, or the I feel like ” I’m on top of the world happy ” , its just happy coz I achieved something kind of happy. Get it ?? Haha

Anyway, today I went to a fish wholesaler place called AI , and there were so many typed and breeds of fishes. The last time I went to the place, there was only one huge factory lots. Now they have 3 huge humongous spacious factory lots. However we were not allow to enter the other 2 new factory lots, I guess they use that for breeding. They had saltwater as well as freshwater fish, in assorted arrays , and I was walking around slowly taking a look at all the fishes.

Well I haven’t been into fishes for quite sometime now, after my favourite fighting fish died :-( Anyway, I was glad I did. I like small fishes, and I saw my two favourite fishes, the Neon Tetra and Bumble Bee. SO in the end I managed to convince my dad to buy 4 Neons for me, and 2 bumble bees !! I was so happy, then he said ( or rather I convinced him ) to let me care for the smaller of the two fish tanks at home.

So what’s my accomplishment ?? Well 1st is starting my fish ‘ business ‘ haha again, and 2nd is washing the fishtank when I reached home. Well coz when my dad takes care of fish tanks, he doesn’t really bother to wash them much, I on the other hand am very particular, and I like my fishtank being clean and nice. So I decided to wash it. Well the tank was heavy , and in the process I accidently killed one baby fish  that was in the tank already. :-( Feel so bad. ( my dad bred guppies, so one baby died ) Haha shows how murky the water was , that I couldn’t see the fish !!! Hahaha

Anyway, I managed it on my own, and in about an hour the fish tank was clean and nice, and my new fish had a new place to stay :-) I’m glad to be back in fish-rearing again …..heehee looks like I’m looking forward to my next dream, to own a dog and maybe a rabbit ( again ) :-)

Hmm so for those of you who know me, wanna pop by and have a look at my tank ?? Haha I think it needs more plants and more fishes though :-) hehe

Coming to terms with everything. Can I ?

{ December 17, 2008 @ 3:44 pm } · { Myself }
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So what has been bugging me , troubling me, and turning my whole life upside-down and inside-out ? Well I’ve been getting questions from various ppl who care a lot for me and I truly appreciate your concern. So Ive decided to write this post and be done with all this negativeness. ( if there is such a word )

Well life isn’t a bed or roses, and things can get to us , though we think we can run away from them, or avoid them, or close an eye on them, it somehow or another creeps up to you someday or another, whether you like it or not. For me, that has been the case, I shut off, thinking the problem will dissappear, the hurt wil somehow heal, the anger if kept inside will fade off and be gone, the frustration will be over when I’ve let out steam,but is that the case ? I doubt so. Before I didn’t think that way, but now, it seems that way ( alright I’m still in denial ) it has become this way. I have been allowing all these to slowly accumulate, and expand inside me, that now there is no more room left to house it that I feel like exploding. So how did that happen ? Let me break it up into two important areas. Emotionally and spiritually.

First is emotionally. I am a type of person that doesn’t yell back at you when in an arguement ( unless I’m really mad ) , as in I’m not the fighting and gungho type that can voice whatever I feel or whatever crosses my mind when I am angry. Instead, I choose to keep it inside, and though I may be boiling, I swallow the anger and let it burn inside. Most of the time after I’ve calmed down, instead of talking it out I let it go without looking at the source of it or what caused it. Besides that, feelings of insecurity,hurts, furstration and dissappointment have also not been dealt with in the right way. A lot of  times I tell myself you’ll be fine. Even when the most heart-wrenching or pierceful words are said to me, I most of the time don’t respond to it. I will take it in, and in due time, I will start to believe in what has been said to me, whether true or false. Which now I find so hard in dealing with.

Spiritually however, I am lost in a way. I don’t know whether the direction I’m heading in is the one thats right for me. Anyhow, it is also a step of faith. I have let certain things get to me in the ministry for God. People have been affecting me, affecting the way I see things, and my judgements. And because of my emotional state, I cannot focus enough on what I need to concentrate on. Everything is corelated, and I need to fix the first problem then I can deal with the second one. Noticing how I am getting more and more distant from God scares me. I am a second-generation christian, and having grown up in a church environment, most people would regard me as ” perfect ” . But let me tell you that I am not, I have had my share of failures and wrong decisions made, though only 18 yrs of my life is spent on this earth.

SO I’m trying my very best to come to terms with things. I know my problems are nothing compare to what is out there, but there is a start and first for everything, and I believe this is just the start and preparation for the tasks ahead, which I believe will be more challenging and obstacle filled.

Your prayers are much needed and I will also be praying for everyone in need. Thanks a lot for yr support my friends, and I can even call you family. We are after all One in the body of Christ , aren’t we ?

How long more do I need to hurt ?

{ December 15, 2008 @ 5:39 am } · { Myself }
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Well I’m back , sorry have been so busy no time to blog. Or rather I’m so worn out, no more brain power to blog, and basically nothing has been inpsiring me to write…….

Anyway just to let you readers know, so as not to worry about me, or get dissapointed coz its the same unchanging post, I’m basically going through a rough time with myself.

I am basically down emotionally as well as spiritually. I’m struggling so bad to even think good things about everything thats going on . I don’t know what else to do. Thinking positive certainly helps, but it doesn’t make the problems go away. Having fun with friends only lasts for that moments, but not after that when I’m alone in my room. I feel I’m running away from my problems. The problem is I don’t know where to start. I need to resolve things, I can’t focus, I’m unhappy, I’m lost, I don’t know which direction to go. I  don’t know whether what I’m doing is right or not.

How long more can I hold on ? How long more do I have to wait for answers ? As the days go by, I’m getting more and more angry and bitter and its killing me slowly. Just as I’m about to stand up another round of problems comes. My heart has been torned apart into so many pieces, and it hurts so so bad. How come hurts take so long to heal ? Lord, I can’t do this on my own.  I need you more than anything……

I’m sorry my dear readers that this isn’t a nice post to read. I just need to vent out my frustrations and I do it best in written form. I just need prayers and I need to help myself get out of this.

Sleepover & Shopping- Part One

{ December 9, 2008 @ 4:59 am } · { Announcements }
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I had a great time for my sleepover at a friends place and a great time out shopping the next day at The Curve. It was great fellowship and its been a long time since I had the opportunity to fo such things. It wasn’t much of shopping, as we didn’t actually buy anything, but I was made to try 2 dresses. Okay actually one only lar…just that I like one and chose it to try, (hehe i chose a dress, believe or not ? ) Haha so anyway it was fun, n  I liked both the dresses I tried :) though I didn’t buy it, as most f you know I don’t like wearing dresses and skirts. Esp dresses…haha to tell you how much I dislike it,  I only have one dress in my cupboard now :) haha which I wore only once….

The bottomline was I had a really good time, we had serious discussions on Sunday night, just the ladies and we slept at….okay I don’t think you guys wanna know, then had the whole day out and came back only at night. I was so exhausted but at the same time happy :) I had a goodnight sleep, one that I had longed for ,for such a long time, and woke up at like ten something today ….hehehe .Thanks all that made this happen, and thanks for making  all this happen. I haven’t been this happy for such a long time :-) and now I am …hehe

This is only the summary of what happened :-) will blog about the second part and hopefully have some pics up :-)

18 – Eighteen

{ December 3, 2008 @ 2:46 pm } · { Myself }
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I was born on the 3rd of Dec 1990, at 10.40 am, weighing a shocking 6 pounds only …hehehe i know some of you must have thought wow she must be realy chubby at birth. However I was so tiny, because I was born prematurely :-) I was supposed to be due on the 31 of Dec but decided to make an early entrance to the world. ( haha maybe that explains why I’m always in a rush to get to appointments or classes on time, and always end up being there sometimes way too early :-) )

Anyway , today is my eighteen birthday, something that I had always wished for when I was in my early teens, because I wanted freedom, my right to decide, and my own car to get around. However now that I am 18, I think I’ll take things slowly and sometimes wish I could turn back the clock on some things that were not so nice in my life. Any how , I have to live with it now, and look forward and keep moving forward :-)

Today I woke up later than usual, had coffee with my mum, she sang me my birthday song and gave me a small gift , then she left for work. So I was all alone at home and was getting bored, so I texted my aunt, whom then offered to take me out for lunch. So I had lunch then had a short visit to her house, help her make some of the dessert,( which was for my suprise party – that I didnt know about ) then I headed home, surfed the net, then continued with some tv then it was dinner time.

Okay readers, I’m not much of a sit around and bum person, I have to do something. So i decided that after dinner I’ll ask my dad to bring me out for ice-cream at McD. So we headed out for ice-cream and then headed home. To my amusement, I had friends waiting in my house in the dark and when I walked into the hall, they shouted ” Suprise !!! ” , which gave me a shock and I ran straight for my shelter = my room. They thought they made me cry…Hahaha but I didn’t it was more of a funny shock ….Anyway I’m so thankful that they went through all the trouble to ensure I had a great day, and thanks to my parents too , I have a great 18 birthday, which I will remember :-)

Then here comes the even more shocking part. The gifts I received this year were all very unique and special, and some even met my wish on the wish list that I had renewed. I got a backpack, a watch, and a bed sheet ! Three out of 4 things I wished for ….Thank God for that !! Then there were other gifts, earrings, car windscreen-shade( hmm guess who gave me that ?? ) , diary, nice box, world map ( hmm looks like I’m going to get better at my Geography ) , a book and some other stuff :-) Thanks all !! I am really happy today, and I haven’t been this happy in a very very long time. In fact I got upset with myself over some things this evening, but you guys made it all feel a lot better !! Thanks again for making this day Xtra special and Xtra meaningful for me :-)

Hmm well I better calm myself down, before I get all excited and can’t sleep tonight ! Thanks again .