Thoughts, reflections, and well…..

To all my dear blog-readers and friends…

{ December 23, 2009 @ 10:58 } · { Myself }
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Well to all my dear friends and family, ” Blessed Christmas !! ” . Thank you for all your love , support , encouragement, patience, loyalty, honesty, care, affection and for your company too. SOme of you have had major roles, and some minor roles in my life, but all the same, you all make a huge difference in my life. For those of you that know me really well, thanks for sticking with me through thick and thin, I may not be easy to love at most times, and sometimes so hard to understand, but thanks for being there and enduring everything with me.

Hope you all find the true meaning of christmas, the true joy of christmas. It’s not about the gifts and presents, it’s not about Santa Claus, it’s not what the world has made it to be. I’m searching for my true joy of christmas, and I think I have found it. I’ll share more about it after Christmas.

Take care folks

Untitled

{ December 22, 2009 @ 11:50 } · { Myself }
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As you can see, I have no idea what title to give this post. Anyway, I’m just here to say after my previous post, I totally broke down and was just being real to myself. So what did I get out of all these ? Well here it goes :

1. I now know where my weaknesses are , and what’s my weakest point.

2. I’ve learnt to deal with my problems.

3. I haven’t learnt to share my problems with a homosapien, but I’m trying …

4. I’ve learn to live with the hurt…and everything that comes with it.

5. I learn that I have to move on.

6. I learn forgiveness is not for the other person, it’s actually for yourself. ( in this case, myself )

7. I am still searching …and it’s gonna be a long one, but I believe He’ll help me through.

8. I learn about making choices, and when my heart tells me its right to stick to it and not sway.

Overall, I have to say, that God was the one that helped me this time. Honestly , I have never been at the lowest that I was at on Sunday night, and even on the following day. I just couldn’t cope. I spent the afternoon alone, and He was there to comfort me. I’m truly thankful for a God so gracious, and ever present. When there’s no one else to look to, He’s always there. Always.

EMO !!!

{ December 20, 2009 @ 17:06 } · { Myself }
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! That’s how I feel , and that’s how loud , and long I wanna scream. I want to get this burden of my chest. I feel like the stupidest person in the world to believe in any of the crap I’ve heard or had hope in . Whatever hope that I had seen or was given to by others was just a bunch of lies, and false hope. I’m through and done with . I’m so fed up !! Everytime I open myself up or even try to give a part or share apart of myself, everything is taken from me and shoved back into my face, and then I’m left hurt and empty. Why did this have to happen now ? When will all these milestones ever end ? It seems to go on for ages….. problem after problem, hurt after hurt, dissappointment after dissappointment. Just when I’ve gotten back up on my feet and healed inside, I’m struck down in that one quick instant.

I literally feel like I’ve been given a tight slap on the face. Thanks a lot for messing around with me. It has undeniably caused hurt, pain and dissapointment, but I definitely learned my lesson, and next time I’ll be wiser .

I’m sick to my own gut just thinking of how stupidly I fell prey into the trap, and now caused myself to be stuck in the web of destruction. The best part is I’m the one facing everything, and no one else has any idea. It hurts so bad just to know what the real intentions behind everything was for, it hurts to know that I was only used to get to the greener pasture, and it hurts to know that I had no significance at all. It’s pathetic to know I’m letting all these get to me, and I have to cry alone.

The saying goes, ” Once bitten twice shy…” But silly me allowed it to happen without even seeing it coming. People say we get wiser as we get older, I believed that too, but now I’m doubting myself. I’m not blaming anyone here, but myself. Looks like it’s always better to stay inside my shell, and never come out, coz when I do, things always go the wrong way, as I always choose the wrong turn.

I’m beginning to question myself again. Am I not doing enough ? What more do people want from me ? How much more do I need to risk, before people see the sincerity and my heartfelt feelings, and what goes on beyond the physical. What more do I have to prove ? Even when I’ve given all it’s never enough, and it will never be. I don’t even know how to end this post. I’m so troubled. My heart feels so heavy and it feels as though a huge part of it was ripped out and butchered to pieces. All I’m left with is a small portion just to keep my body alive. Inside, I’m torn and I’m going to admit, that I’ve hit rock bottom. I’m not going to deny that anymore. I’m done.

03-12-2009

{ December 9, 2009 @ 09:43 } · { General }
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Well so I had exams, exams and exams for 3 weeks…Even had a paper on my b’day….hahaha AND …all the papers were killers…get me ?? Haha

Anyway this is just a short post to thank my family and friends for making my day feel so much brighter after all the stress I had been going through.

Well at night on my birthday had a nice and simple dinner with family…It was really nice, simple and quality time celebration. Really liked it. I got a nice bouquet of roses, and a watch catalogue Well thanks to the consciousness and understanding of those that were getting me a watch, they saw the designs that I had chose and made a wish decision not to buy them, as they knew I’ll probably not wear it , or dislike it. I felt even more special when I heard their comments….So, I’m suppose to go with them to get it later on

Then today, after my exams my classmate handed me a package and said it was for my birthday. I’m so happy as the gift was really meaningful….it was many photos fused togetherin one photo . get it ?? Hahaha memories of Form6. It was really touching…

Also, when I came online and checked my Facebook account….It was like super flooded with birthday wishes.

Thanks everyone for making my 19th birthday so meaningful, and something so unique and different from normal b’day celebrations

AND…..I”M FREE NOW !!! hahaha gonna enjoy the rest of Dec before I get a job in Jan

2009 Wish List…

{ November 1, 2009 @ 13:45 } · { General }
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So here I am again, it’s near the time of the year….( I have to say here that I’m just pulling yr legs people, so don’t feel obligated or take anything as a demand or anything personal.) So every year I post my wish list. Well as the title says, it’s a wish list, so I won’t put up high expectations, just making my wishes Anyway it’s good to wish, coz last year I was truly blessed and everything I wished for came through… haha so here it goes :

New phone in mind...

As you can see I want a new phone, and did some browsing on the Internet, and found this Really like the look of it….Well I think I’ve been using my Sony now for like 3 to 4 yrs…and due to some reasons I want to change it. Next is :

Really like the look of this watch...

This is a watch by Swatch, it’s called FlowerBox(YSS222G). I really like the chrome effect and the colour ( obviously..it’s blue), and it looks really sweet. My current watch is not in good condition anymore, and I need a change because the watch holds some ” value” which I don’t intend to value anymore…does that make any sense ?? haha

Another watch choice is…..

Second watch choice...

This is the second watch that I really like…also from Swatch. Meet , Felicity Shimmer ( YCS 520). I like the sleek look it has, and the face of the watch. Nice.

I don’t mean to choose expensive watches but I can’t wear costume ones, as I have allergic reaction to anything ” fake”. Which is why I don’t wear costume jewellery. Plated also can’t. It has to be genuine….blame my skin..hehe ( my mum says I’m an expensive person … haha )

The rest of the things I wish for I don’t have pictures for them, so number 4 is :

4. Ikea-EIDE bed frame

5. Ikea-ANEBODA chest of 3 drawers

6. A white handbag OR a black one…. hehe

7. A new laptop…my current one is too small to work on for long hours. Need a regular size one to work on for longer hours.

8. DKNY , Be Delicious the green apple one is really nice. OR Ralph Lauren Cool is nice too

9. Some $$$ would be nice too. Coz December usually go broke spending on gifts for people. So need more money so that more people can get gifts. ( I really enjoy giving gifts okay….)

10. Well in the end, things are all perishable, so I really wish for a good time after my exams, to be spent with family and of course friends. I know I have many appointments, so hope I can fulfil all of them before the New Year . That will truly be the most memorable gift, that no money can buy

The reason I’m putting up my wish list is coz I won’t be putting up anymore posts till after my exams ( ends Dec 9 ). So I’m putting this up early..hehe. As you noticed, my choice of wishes this year are personal , and some are like for my room, well coz first , I want to make some changes for my personal things, as I’m taking on a new approach to live, and everything in the past, I want to leave behind. Secondly, I’m planning to re-do my room after my exam. ( yes you heard that right, re-do my room…AGAIN !! haha ) Anyone wants to offer help to re-paint it ?? need muscles too to move out all the junk !! Haha

This is also a post to give a shout out to all my butt-ies that will be taking their STPM, or other major exams….

” ALL THE BEST GUYS AND GALS !! WE CAN DO THIS, AS LONG AS WE BELIEVE IN OURSELVES !!! “

And to my dear blog readers, happy reading, and await more in December with anticipation !! Logging off now….take care

Yours truly,

Sarah

p.s: For those whom have read this post earlier, I have edited it and made some changes in the way I wrote and changed some lines, as I think some people felt offended and felt I was demanding in this post. Just to let my loyal blog readers know

Guess guess !!

{ October 30, 2009 @ 15:43 } · { General }
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Decipher these words. Think of what each letter stands for . It makes a sentence. Leave yr answers in the comment box. The first one is done for you:

1. FAMILY = Father and Mother, I love you.

2. FRANCE =

3. ITALY =

4. HACKS =

Happy trying no cheating yea….

Missed me??

{ October 16, 2009 @ 08:19 } · { Myself }
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haha I guess not many ppl missed me her in blogging world eh ? Haha anyway sorry to my blog readers, well I was unavailable as I was having trial exams…which were erm…okay lets not talk about it . Today’s post is about …. :

Manglish !!! Haha how many times have we been caught using it? Some people can also have full justification on why they speak that way, and are super proud of it. I don’t feel that way ….Though I myself am guilty of speaking that way, but I don’t think we should justify our actions when it comes to speaking horrible and sometimes uncomprehendable English. It’s okay for me but sometimes it can get pretty annoying, especially when I can’t understand what is being said. On the other hand, when some one speaks with a heavy accent, be it American, British, Australian or any other…I find it sooo hard to understand at times too ! So what’s to all this language atrocities ??

Well that’s all I have to say, it’s to leave you all thinking A fellow blogger wrote a very good post on this and I was truly inspired to share this real life happenings which left me either dumb-founded OR laughing till my stomach and cheeks hurt so bad just from laughing ENJOY !

1. When I was pretty young , my family and I were in a shop having Western food, the waiter came all nicely dressed up and served us. When our food came, he asked ,” Do you want more chos ? ” . We all responded together , ” What ? ” Again it was repeated, ” Do you want more chos ? ” And the same question and answer went on btwn us and the waiter for 3 times, until finally he walked away and came back with a bottle of ketchup and chilli sauce. We all were like ,” OHH !! sauce !! ( poor waiter must have gotten mixed up with the pronounciation of sauce and sos )

2. My cousin was about 5 yrs old, and well obviously learning to spell. This was the conversation between grandpa and her. ( THIS IS THE RESULT OF POOR PRONOUNCIATION AND MANGLISH ) Cousin : Akong, how to spell niao-mind ?

Grandpa a.k.a akong : Nevermind ? N-E-V-E-R-M-I-N-D-

Cousin : ( she wrote the word just spelled out by grandpa ) NO la akong, that’s never–mind. I want you to spell niao–mind

Grandpa : There is no such word as niao–mind

Cousin : Got !! We always say wan…

( Haha …get the joke?? So do YOU say niao-mind or never-mind ? )

3. The result of English words converted to BM, such as physical, fizikal etc… Again revolves around my cousin, she was about 6 or 7 and mum and her we in the car driving, and she was reading signboards … :

Cousin : Mummy look ! A was ( read it literally as a was )

Mum : What is a was ?

Cousin : There the signboard says a was

Mum : ( turns to look ) NO , that’s AWAS !

( get it ? hahahaha )

Just had to share some of this. Bring some laughter to this emo blog..hahaha hope you enjoyed it. Share yr experiences if you have any. I have many more but then keeping it for next time

Past vs. Present

{ September 12, 2009 @ 04:26 } · { General }
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Well I’ve been looking through photo albums and I just think I had a fabulous childhood. Lots and lots of memories in my childhood years. Well my teenage years weren’t as nice, had a lot of things to deal with and I guess tasted more salt than I wanted to taste, and well everyone has regrets, and so do I. Back to reference to my first line…I laughed till I cried at some of the pictures. How people change physically in appearance over the years and at the same time also I felt sad and disappointed with myself, as I haven’t talked to some of my friends for ages and ages. Sigh, when everyone moves on with life, and you’re not in it, well that’s not the nicest thing to find out.

Anyhow I had the bestest of friends growing up, and in many ways they have formed and build me up in character in one way. I stayed up till 2 am yesterday just thinking of all the things that have happened and thinking of my good dear friends. Anyway why the mushy and super-emo feelings ? Well I guess coz I’m moving on to another chapter of my life, and well I’m feeling old and out of shape , imcompetence and well just so tired of everything. ( guess the stress levels in me are reaching a dangerous high …)

I do wonder, what will I be like in a few years time…and what my future holds. On the other hand if I do know what my future holds, I wouldn’t be experiencing ups and downs but instead I’ll probably be trying and fighting all my life to get away from all the bad and negatives. So perhaps not knowing is a good thing I’ve reached a point where I have decided I want to reach for my dreams and achieve my goals without having to look to others or cling on to others like a vice.

( This may sound chauvinist but I don’t mean it in that way okay ) Well many around me have begin to ask whether I’m involved romantically with anyone, and even my parents did drop a hint or two, or rather they’re just being parents , and I guess out of curiousity . Well I don’t have anyone, and not thinking of anyone ( or as my friend says, a target ) It’s just come to if there’s anyone suitable then I may think about it, but if not then it’s okay. Basically I don’t hate guys or men, I just don’t see a need to have that kind of relationship now. Having company and friends is nice, but not that kind of company xD.

So what are my reasons ? Well first I want to study first, get into Uni and start my course of choice. Then after that, I may want to work and travel around the world a bit before I settle down and make my mark in the working world. I know I can’t afford to travel all over the world but there are some places that I do want to go to, and having a relationship of that kind may just lead to no where at this point, and so I’m not looking toward it. Of course there were past hurts and lots of things I’ve been through even in terms of just platonic friendsips. So I guess, letting myself heal would be good before jumping in again right ?

So I would like to thank all my friends and people that had been around me for ages, even if now we don’t really meet or hardly talk, I do cherish you all and still think of you all , just sometimes its so hard to know where to start again now. Maybe a simple hi would do…. but I really love you all and am truly grateful for all you’ve given and done for me So here goes the list of names ( well I can’t fit everyone in so here are some, and the rest, thanks super lots !!! )

THANK YOU ….Family, Michelle, Aly, Ai Vee , Jared, Calista, Esther , Mei-Mei jie jie, Vivian, Fharyl, Belinda , Lionel , D.R, K.K , Adi, Wayne, Nancy, Carmille, Szu Li , Lei Ngoh and all the beloved aunties and uncles too !!

( I wanted to upload childhood pics , but sorry guys no scanner la. If I can, I would, and haha I bet some of you will laugh yr pants off – invitation to my hse to view photos is opened though …hehehe

S’mua Baik ….

{ September 6, 2009 @ 14:09 } · { General }
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Dari semula t’lah Kau tetapkan

HidupKu dalam tanganMu

Dalam rencanaMu Tuhan

Rencana indah t’lah Kau siapkan

Bagi masa depanku

Yang penuh harapan

Reff :

S’mua baik, s’mua baik

S’gala yang t’lah Kau perbuat di dalam hidupku

S’mua baik , sungguh teramat baik

Kau jadikan hidupku berarti

Isolation

{ August 8, 2009 @ 05:42 } · { Myself }
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That’s how I feel,
I give up.
All my hopes and dreams had been shattered ,
I was just in denial.
I’m invisible….
It would be so nice to dissappear into thin air,
No one would ever know,
That would be true isolation,
Alone and unheard of forever.

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